Death is a given in life. We will all meet our inevitable end at some point. So will those around us. No matter how hard we love them, at some point, they will die and leave a horrible void in our hearts, or we will leave them with the same upon our own death.
My brother, and best friend, was killed years ago. I miss him every moment of every day. Most of my dreams still involve him, in some capacity.
I lost my husband as well as my best friend from grade school last year.
A few days ago, I lost a wonderful friend, who had spent much of his time cheerleading me through my worst battle with cancer to date. He virtually held my hand through one of the worst years of my life and interjected as much positivity as he could.
I have found a way to “deal” with the loss of people I love, or care very deeply about. See, time does not heal, no matter how much people will tell you that it does. It may lessen the sting of loss, but it never truly fades. It simply evolves into something else.
When you lose someone who has had such a huge impact on your life, that void never goes away. That’s okay. It means that you had a place in your heart and mind for someone very special to you. Don’t rush in, trying to fill it back up with a new piece of the puzzle that doesn’t properly fit.
What you CAN do is fill that void with memories of them. Silly little things they said which made you giggle, or laugh like a lunatic. Crazy ideas you talked about. Fill that “empty” space with the wonderful memories you made with each other, no matter how mundane they may seem to others.
Don’t regret ANYTHING. After all, they thought enough of you to give you the most precious and important thing in their world. Their TIME.
Everyone mourns loss at their own pace, and in their own way. Never let anyone tell you that you are doing it wrong. Just don’t forget to also celebrate their LIFE. If they had such a huge impact on you, it’s highly likely they made a positive impact on others. When sadness is all you can find, reach out to others and don’t be afraid to share the wonderful moments YOU had with them. That’s inherently important FOR YOU.
There are many days where I wish I could go back and change a few things.. Like spending more time with those I have lost. Returning a call. Sending one more message.. Hugging them one more time before they went home.. The fact remains, that I cannot. Nor can you. What you can do, is make sure that you do these things moving forward.
Never pass up the chance to tell someone you love them. Hug them just a little tighter; a few seconds longer. Tell them how positive of an impact they have had on your own life.
That’s how you honor those you have lost. No regrets. Just good memories. And pay it forward.
Just be good. The world will follow.