Still standing.. Still breathing..

I find it strangely calming when I hear that because I have been so public about my personal struggles with depression that I have helped to inspire or to help someone who is having similar struggles in life.

Sometimes I have depression; and somedays it completely has me.  Those of you who happen to reach out to me, for whatever reason, are a constant reminder that I need to check myself.

My first rule:

Remember to just breathe.

So often I have found myself on the ledge of that ever-present rabbit hole, mired down in anxiety and fear, that I’m holding my breath.

The other shoe does not always drop.  Sometimes things ARE just as they seem, with no dark, foreboding thing just waiting to pounce when you are at your lowest.

Second rule:

You are never really at your lowest, either.  You’re still alive, so you are still winning your fight.  Always remember that.  No matter how deep down the rabbit hole you’ve fallen, you still have the opportunity to pull yourself up, even if it takes another hand to steady you while you do.

Third rule:

Never keep your silence.  You are never so alone in this world that you can’t find someone to reach out to.  I suffered such a massive disconnect from the world last year that I nearly took my own life.  The people who love me kept me from falling that last 5 feet into nonexistence.  When you feel like the only emotion you have is despair..  Get mad about it.  Be PISSED off.  Embrace a bit of that anger.  Even anger is an emotion that can ground you some, even if just a moment.  Sometimes that singular moment of mad is all the clarity you need to realize how close to the precipice you really are.

Today, my beautiful cousin, Grace, confided in me that she looked up to me.  She views me as a “juggernaut”, in her words.

My beautiful humans, let me assure you..  If I am a juggernaut..  I am wearing a pink tutu with a flower in my hair and painted toenails..  Those of you who truly know me will be laughing insanely at that visual.  🙂

I’m still learning how to live.  Let that inspire you to do the same.

Just be good.  The world will follow.

2 thoughts on “Still standing.. Still breathing..

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