Time Off; Time Out

Everyone needs the occasional reset.  I had to take mine not too long ago after a long time ‘friendship’ blew up in my face due to issues that were not of my own creation.

I spent time with my kids.  I spent time with my partner.  Outside; away from the drama that is social media.

Truth be told, it was desperately needed.  It wasn’t until I walked away for a time that I realized how mired down in other people’s issues I had become.  With the suffering of depression comes the inevitable rabbit hole that can be created when you happen to care about those with whom you surround yourself.

Not everyone has good intentions, folks.  And even fewer care about the place they put YOU in while trying to crawl their way through their own issues, while desperately grasping on to anyone that may be able to understand their plight.

I should know.  Ashamedly, I’ve done it a few times myself, to the people I care about the most (namely my own brother).

In an effort to move forward with a more positive attitude and outlook on my own life, I owe an apology to my brother, above all.

Jason, I am utterly, completely sorry for putting you through hell, right along with me.  I know full well that you will tell me it’s fine, it’s okay, but at the end of the day, I brought you down the rabbit hole with me out of sheer desperation to keep my chin above water.

It is a fault that I have had to recognize in myself.  Without that recognition, I’d still be desperately trying to hold on to anyone who offered me that little ray of sunshine; a small glimmer of hope.  I have found that I am..  human.  I am not special.  I am just like everyone else on this little blue planet.

I smile.

I laugh.

I cry.

I hurt.

It is in recognizing our flaws, and subsequently dealing with them, that sets us apart from other members of humanity.  Sometimes we soar, sometimes we fall.  It is in figuring how to get back up when you’ve carried the weight of the world on your shoulders that allows us to see both our weaknesses and strengths. 

Everything in life, good, bad, indifferent; is a lesson to be learned. 

Watching myself fail or fall short has ceased to be a depressing thing.  If I never fail, then I will never improve myself or even see that I need to improve.

Even with this..  I have written and rewritten this three times, desperately wanting it to be perfect.  And it will be.  It will be perfectly flawed; just as I am.  And I’m okay with me.

Just be good.  The world will follow.

~Lucy

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